Coping During the Holiday Season

The holidays are a time of joy for many people but for those individuals experiencing victimization, a traumatic event, or the sudden death of a loved one; the holiday season can be stressful or sad. Individuals can experience depression, anxiety, self blame, sleep disturbances, irritability, and loss of enjoyment for the upcoming events around the holiday season. Be mindful and pay attention to those around you who may need extra support during the holidays. Showing your caring support is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone who is grieving.  

Realize that due to the unexpected changes in your life which were out of your control, you may need to modify your expectations for the holidays. Give yourself permission to appreciate the upcoming holiday season and recognize that it may not be as joyful as you have experienced in previous years. Participate in something you still enjoy doing such as reading, exercising, talking walks, going to the mountains, watching a funny or inspiring movie, journaling, or engaging in your favorite hobby even if it is only for a short period of time. 

Spend time with loved ones and friends. Spend time with those who comfort you. Create a plan for what you wish to accomplish during the holidays or allow someone help you with this task. This can include whether or not to decorate your home, whether to buy gifts for friends and loved ones, or even whether to attend holiday events and parties.  You make not want to participate in activities you have found enjoyable in the past, and that is okay. Don't be afraid to say no to invitations that may be emotionally draining or that create a feeling of obligation to buy presents for everyone. Keep it simple. If the thought of choosing and wrapping gifts seems too overwhelming, forego gifts altogether. You may also want to consider enlisting a friend to shop for you or help you shop.  Consider gift cards for those on your shopping list.  A gift can be a donation to a worthy charity in the name of a loved one. A simple gift of a note penned to friends and loved ones expressing how important they are in your life is a healing, thoughtful, and very powerful gift.

Create New Traditions. Remind yourself that you may want to create traditions that are different than those you have practiced in the past. Take each minute, hour, and day as a milestone that you have accomplished. Time is part of the healing process. There is no timetable on grief or healing from victimization. It is an ongoing process. A web blog called "All My Loose Ends" explains grief this way: "'Grief is really just love; It is all the love you want to give, but cannot."  "Grief is love with no place to go". Creating new traditions and new milestones is a way for the love to be passed on in memory of your loved one and the new person you are becoming.

Remember to eat. Nourishment is important in your healing process. Many individuals experience nausea and loss of appetite. Choose drinks or foods that you can tolerate to keep up your calorie intake. Water is important for hydration and drink flavored drink add-ins may make it more palatable to keep you from getting dehydrated. Consider smoothies, shakes, or any other foods that are calorie and vitamin rich, even in small quantities.  Keep alcohol to a minimum. It can exacerbate your feelings of grief and loss and rarely numbs the pain for any length of time. Unless prescribed to you by a physician, decline the offer of sleeping pills, anxiety medication, or any other medication offered by well meaning friends and family to help you cope. 

Accept help. Friends and family want to help but often ask you to tell them what you need. Here is a list of tasks they can help you with during the holidays and after the holidays are over:

•    Ask them to cook a meal or several; freeze one for a future meal
•    Help with home repairs or chores such as house cleaning or laundry
•    Baby-sit for you if you have children
•    Spend time being with you, even if there is no activity planned
•    Do yard work, take out the trash, rake the leaves, or shovel snow for you.
•    Do small shopping errands for you
•    Plan grocery runs by ordering on-line orders and allowing friends or family pick up your order
•    Help with phone calls that need to be made  or texts and e-mails that need to be returned
•    Do some driving errands for you
•    Accompany you on errands as a source of support
•    Put up or take down Christmas or Hannakuh decorations.

If you are feeling sad, overwhelmed, or depressed, talk to someone. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a family member friend, or your clergy, or if you are alone, you may wish to seek grief counselors, support groups, or therapists specific to your grief and loss, or victimization. The Broomfield Police Department Victim Services website has a list of resources available in the Broomfield area. You may also call the Broomfield Police Department Victim Services Unit at 303.438.6429 or 303.438.6471 for additional referrals.